As We Gather Again
While I read widely, I try to fully absorb what will promote the most growth. “The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters” by Priya Parker fits my sensibility. The book is even filed under self-actualization, that is “the realization and fulfillment of one’s talents and potentialities.” As I see it, Parker’s focus should be all of ours as we come back together after many months apart.
What makes Parker an ideal guide to hosting meaningful gatherings? Her career in facilitation and conflict resolution. But her family background adds depth, too. She grew up with an Indian mother and a white American father, spending part of her childhood shuttling between “a vegetarian, liberal, incense-filled, Buddhist-Hindu-New Age universe and a meat-eating, conservative, twice-a-week-churchgoing, evangelical Christian realm,” as she puts it. She speaks from a wealth of experience.
For good gatherings, Parker’s watchwords are purpose and people, not logistics and announcements. Figure out why you’re gathering and put together an appropriate guest list. To determine invitees, Parker advises thoughtfully closing doors. “Good exclusion activates diversity,” she states, by heightening the power of difference rather than letting it be “diluted in a hodgepodge of people.” Once the list is set, work to create a “temporary alternative world” your guests will surrender to, Parker continues. So, prepare attendees a bit, perhaps with little notes or questions to consider, or usher them seamlessly to another space and frame of mind — while leaving room for mystery and surprise to unfold when everyone’s together. Honor guests’ presence with connection — to you as host and to fellow guests. Make each gathering distinctive.
In learning these keys, I harkened back to a joyous slice of time at a work conference several years ago, where Parker’s ideas were layered in effortlessly. A three-day national education conference was wrapping up late on a Friday afternoon in Orlando and most people were high tailing it home or to Disney World. I was blogging and didn’t want to miss anything. At first, I was none too thrilled to be sitting in a large dark room while everyone was out playing in the Florida sunshine. How wrong I was!
Once the doors closed, presenter Eric Whitacre, a Grammy Award-winning composer and conductor, challenged us with the idea that anyone can sing harmoniously as part of a group. He would show us. And in just 20 minutes, this ubertalented musician transformed our scattered audience of educators into a beautiful choir. It was a unique interactive presentation at a general session, offering us an unexpected opportunity to morph into a cohesive unit in tune with one another.
Whitacre led us in singing “Row, Row, Row Your Boat,” and then guided us to sing the song in a two-group round. He asked everyone to sing in harmony with those near us, and then commented that our voices became softer or louder to blend in with our neighbors’ voices.
When group A wasn’t singing loud enough, Whitacre challenged the group by asking group B, my group, to sing “Row, Row, Row Your Boat.” We raised the bar, and when he directed group A again, the voices were stronger and louder. As he put it, group A wasn’t fueled by a competition, but by inspiration.
While we were singing, Whitacre instructed us to progressively lower our volume through his musical cues. When we finished the song, he commended us on sounding so good.
Later, I ran into an attendee in the elevator, and Whitacre’s session was top of mind. “Wasn’t it fantastic?” she said, still enraptured. I nodded and said, “Yes, it was.” Indeed, what a transformative experience we shared in that room!
With a healthy dose of intention and preparation, I, like Parker, think more of our gatherings could produce this magical, one-of-a-kind quality. Let’s try it and see.